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Quirks and Idiosyncrasies Only Neurodivergents Get About Each Other

Quirks and Idiosyncrasies Only Neurodivergents Get About Each Other


Most neurodivergent people are sensitive to other people's quirks and idiosyncrasies. They're more aware of them, and they tend to pick up on them more easily than others might. However, sometimes these quirks can get annoying—but that doesn't mean we don't love each other anyway!

"I don't have to explain why I did X."

As a neurodivergent person, you know that the people in your life are neurotypical. This means that they have a lot of quirks unique to their own minds. One thing you might notice is how they act when asked why they did something. For example, if someone notices that you are wearing mismatched socks and asks “Why do your socks not match?”, this can lead to a variety of responses.

  • Sometimes people don't want an explanation because they think it's obvious why the person did X (e.g., "I put on two different shoes!"). If this happens, just nod politely and move on with your life!
  • Sometimes people don't care about explanations because their brains just aren't engineered for them (e.g., "Why did you do X?" "Um... I don't know."). In this case, try giving them some space and keep doing what makes sense for yourself! The world is big enough for everyone's preferences - even yours!

"The way you move reminds me of a cartoon character that I've never seen."

I've had all kinds of people tell me that the way I move, talk, and interact is "like a cartoon character." I'm not sure what this means, but it seems like it's meant to be a compliment. And who doesn't like cartoons? So what's with the comparison?

Well here's how my friends have described it: you're quick, jerky and exaggerated in your movements. You seem to move quickly even when standing still; there is often an extra little bounce or twist added—even if unnecessary—to your actions. Your speech pattern can be staccato-like too; your words are chopped up into small pieces that don't always flow together smoothly into sentences as they might for other folks (though this might just be because we're both writers). My theory is that these idiosyncrasies are just a part of who you are and have nothing to do with being neurodivergent at all! But maybe some people can relate...

"I will ask you again four different times if it is something important, but if it's not, I will only remind you once or twice, and then I forget about it."

  • Repetition builds understanding.
  • Repetition builds memory.
  • Repetition is a central part of communication.

"You won't back down and let me win an argument because you know you are right and you refuse to admit that there's a possibility that I might be, too."

When you know that you're right and the other person knows they're right, it can be frustrating to have a debate with someone who refuses to admit defeat. It's not necessarily that they don't know they're wrong (although sometimes this is the case), but rather that they won't back down and let you win an argument because they believe their position is right and yours isn't.

This isn't limited to just neurodivergent people, of course—I've seen people do this in my own life as well. But it's especially common among those of us who have been diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome or autism spectrum disorder (ASD). And I don't think there's anything wrong with this behaviour; if anything, I find it admirable and wish more people were willing to keep up their argument even when it seems like there won’t ever be any resolution.

"You're willing to research and learn about my differences so we can better understand each other."

The neurodivergent person in question is someone who has a neurological difference that can impact their life. This could be dyslexia, autism spectrum disorder, ADHD, anxiety disorder or any other kind of brain difference. You might have an intellectual disability and still have the ability to learn about neurodiversity!

The main point here is that you're willing to communicate with me about my differences so we can better understand each other. That's pretty cool!

You get that I don't want to be around people most of the time. You just want to be able to see me when we're both up for it.

You get that I don't want to be around people most of the time. You just want to be able to see me when we're both up for it.

As a person with some form of neurodivergence, you have probably experienced feelings of isolation. Many of us are introverts, which means we need our own space and alone time in order to recharge. If you're an extrovert who needs constant stimulation from other people, this might seem like a relationship killer—but it doesn't have to be!

You often call me out on my bullshit in a kind way instead of playing along with my falsehoods.

You often call me out on my bullshit in a kind way instead of playing along with my falsehoods.

You’re not afraid to tell me the truth, even if it’s harsh or inconvenient, and that can be a relief. For example:

  • I don't want to hear your excuses.
  • I don't want to hear your explanations.
  • I want you to tell me the truth.

You realise I'm full of quirks and idiosyncrasies, some of which irritate you—but you wouldn't have me any other way.

You are learning to accept that I am different, and that's okay. You don't try to change me or make me into something I'm not. You love me for who I am, quirks and all. You may have some issues with some of my idiosyncrasies but you are willing to learn more about them in order to better understand why they bother you so much (and possibly try not to get irritated by them).

Neurodivergents recognize their own traits in others

Here's the thing about neurodivergents: we can recognize our own quirks and idiosyncrasies in others. We see the same traits in other neurodivergents, even if those quirks vary from person to person. It's like we all have a shared dictionary that defines "neurodivergent" and gives us the tools to identify each other. This makes it easier for us to relate to each other, because we're not just seeing someone else with autism or ADHD or Asperger's syndrome; we're seeing ourselves.


We all have our quirks, and we all wish other people could understand us more. When we find someone who gets us, it can be incredibly rewarding. So if you're looking for a partner with whom you can have an honest conversation about your differences and idiosyncrasies—someone who doesn't just accept them as "quirks" but understands their significance—it might just be time to put down that dating app and start talking with another neurodivergent person!


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